The bigger picture... And dinner.

A couple of months ago, an incredible coincidence caused my telephone to ring. And my world got so much smaller. The call was from the proverbial past, from one of those great times long ago that never is too deep in your memory bank.

Sometimes I get to spend a lot of torturous time at the part time job. Tending machines, many sleepless nights, mind numbing piece-part work. A few minutes to think about a topic, and then every rational thought has to go on hold to precisely set up the next parts. Then thought resumes again. Fragmented, at times. Self correcting, perhaps as you can only go so far down a rat hole until the blue light flashes to tell me to press the green button.

So, memories brought front and center. Nearly unlimited time to digest, just in small chunks of perhaps 5 minutes at a bite.

What strikes me first is what has changed between now and then. The largest difference ? Me. I have changed a lot since then. It's a different world, at least my world is different. Some change has been necessary, some was free. But it wasn't all who I was, and I wasn't thrilled with whom I had become – especially in the side by side comparison. Looking then versus now, A few things stuck right out. It sounds trite, but once you can see something, you may be able to do something about it. And no kidding, things started to fall into place. I need to be me, to be super comfy in my own skin, to hold my head high, and to politely invite the external world to wait it's turn for me to take care of mine. There were a few personal chances that have fallen into place, each giving me a little extra spring in my step. Yeah, the beard is back too. That was just the icing on the cake.

And this starts to cascade. A new perspective really gets me to reevaluate a whole lot that has happened over the past few years. Slowly, light bulbs start glowing. It is a little humbling to learn about yourself - and your life - and what you were thinking so far after the fact. It has been a bit surreal, watching details start to fall into place. Structures and sequences come together.

Today, just driving along to work, I saw where I was 18 months ago, almost to the day, and where I am now. That triggered a giant beacon overhead. The one thing – the ONE THING that held me pinned down- I now wanted to eat it for breakfast. No, not just that. I wanted some for dinner too, not because I couldn't down it all at once, just because I wanted to eat it twice. I wanted dinner to watch me eat breakfast so it would know just how slowly and deliberately it would be chewed and savored. And then become naught but a memory. I suspect it would be a good memory, looking back victoriously at a clean plate...

And I have to tell you, it was delicious. It was the meal you'd love to serve to your closest friends, but this one needed to be done in private. I wasn't truly alone though. While savoring those morsels, I was appreciative of my closest friends who have helped me along, spun my nose around, moved mountains just to save me the slightest bit of trouble, and covered my back when I was too far white, red, or black.

The plate is clean. My brain now has plenty of space to run free and play. There are some details that need to be mopped up, but I kicked that into action after dinner. Yes, I needed help with one of them, and with my slightest request for a touch of assistance, one of the above paisans has volunteered to do whatever it takes.


I have my life back. I escaped with my extended family mostly intact - those that made the cut at least came out unscathed. I have myself back.

This too is an incredible day.